The sideboard of the Mizen family’s large kitchen, is covered with memories of Jimmy. There are photos of him at various ages, with family and friends and hanging up is one of his white school shirts covered with messages from his school friends. Margaret says, “Sometimes people say. You’re lucky you’ve got eight other children (Jimmy was the 8th of nine children). As if it means I can afford to lose one. I still can’t quite believe he is gone. I keep expecting him to walk into the room and put his arms round me and give me a hug.” The Mizens are a big warm Catholic family, who do a lot of hugging. The night before Jimmy died was his 16th birthday and before he went out, his father remembers, they hugged him and told him how proud they were of him and how much they loved him. He went out to a party with his friends and his father never saw him alive again.

The following morning Margaret waved Jimmy off after breakfast as he went with one of his brothers to buy a lottery ticket. A short time later she got a message to come quickly to the local baker’s shop as something terrible had happened. By the time she arrived a crowd had gathered and she went into the shop to see the floor covered in blood and one of her sons who was holding Jimmy saying “he’s alright mum”, but she knew he wasn’t. In the space of three and half minutes his life was over. Jimmy bled to death in the arms of one of his older brothers. Before he was taken away the family prayed round the black body bag he was wrapped in. Margaret and Barry were grief stricken but went as usual to Sunday Mass the following day, unaware of the furore that Jimmy’s death had caused. Barry comments, “Jimmy’s death sent a tremor down the spine of middle England. If a schoolboy from a church-going family in a nice area could die in this way, none of their children were safe either.” Margaret remembers, “When we came out of church, we couldn’t believe it. A barrage of photographers and media people were there. I don’t know how they knew that we were Catholic, or even what mass we attended.”

Barry comments, “The media were amazed at how we responded, without anger or bitterness. But it is because we believe in our faith and that death is not the end.” They were told that someone had been arrested as a result of the incident. Margaret pleaded with them to leave the suspect’s family alone, as she felt that they had enough to cope with. The couple were interviewed by national newspapers and radio and tv stations. Margaret remembers, “It wasn’t me speaking though. When I read now what I said then, I don’t even remember saying it. I believe what came out of my mouth then was God.” Barry remembers she was asked by one radio interviewer if God is so good why did He allow this to happen. Without missing a beat Margaret replied simply, “We all have choices. God has given us the choice to believe in him or not. I choose to believe.” She adds, “In fact our faith has grown through this.

We need our faith more than ever

“Now believing in God is not an option it is a must. Now we really need our faith more than ever. If I let go of God now there is nothing else. It is my faith that keeps me strong for my family and for others.” They found themselves consoling others devastated by Jimmy’s death, his school friends, fellow parishioners, even a local pub landlord who offered to “sort the situation out” for them. Barry comments, “You have to be so careful that the very thing you are trying to stop, you start manifesting yourself. You can’t have violent reactions to the problem of violence. You will never solve it that way.”

In the midst of their pain God gave them incredible grace to not only bear their tragedy but use it to witness to their faith. Margaret says, “I really do believe that Jimmy was given to us for a reason, and taken away for a reason.” A week later at Jimmy’s memorial service the press were invited. Barry comments, “We knew they were expecting us to make some kind of statement. But we felt we shouldn’t try to plan what we were going to say but let the words come out as God wanted them to.” Their moving appeal touched many. Barry adds, “Although we didn’t use those words, we basically were calling on people to repent and to look at the values they wanted to live by. It is no good shouting at the government. The only real change is going to come from us. We need everyone working together as one. It’s only then that you can see there is hope for the future.” Margaret adds, “Anger just breeds anger and bitterness and I realised if I gave into it, the people who would suffer would be my own family and it would destroy them.”

The way the family have responded instead is to celebrate Jimmy’s life and use his death as an impetus to promote community and love in their area. A few days after the funeral they organised a celebration fun day for friends and parishioners as well as Jimmy’s friends and fellow pupils. They have received huge support from their parish, they say, of love in action. For two weeks after Jimmy’s death when the house was full of visitors and media people, plates of sandwiches and casseroles were constantly being dropped off, and their washing taken away to be done by well wishers from their parish community.

The Mizens have used their high profile and the good will towards them to raise money to help buy the local scout troop a mini bus and they plan, if they get enough money, to buy two or more mini buses for young people from the other boroughs. Margaret comments, “The majority of young people today are good. There is only a small minority doing bad things, but they get all the press. We need to be proud of our young people and encourage them.”

At the same time, the grief goes on. Sometimes, says Margaret, it will just overwhelm her when she is doing simple things like emptying the dishwasher and she has suffered panic attacks. If anything she says as time has gone on the pain of Jimmy’s absence has got worse. She also finds herself going into the children’s rooms when they are sleeping, just to check that they are safe. “The bleakest moments,” she says, “are those times when you wake in the night and you are engulfed in grief. It’s then that Barry and I pray. It is usually always the same, one Our Father and three Hail Marys. They are all set prayers. You can’t do anything else. But the Our Father is such a powerful prayer when you concentrate on the words. And when this incredible pain wells up inside me I pray to Our Lady and it’s amazing the way it all goes away.”

God prepared them

The Mizens’ courage is impressive and they are determined that their son’s death won’t have been in vain and that good will come from it. Barry and Margaret feel that God had in some strange way even prepared them for what was going to happen. The weeks before Jimmy died Barry said he felt really melancholy and he remembers looking at photos of their kids. Looking back at their lives too, they also sense that God has equipped them in other ways too for this moment when the eyes of the world are on them. “Fifteen years ago,” he says, “I wouldn’t have been able to speak to two people never mind the two thousand people as we did at the New Dawn conference last summer.”

The Mizens for many years have attended the annual Catholic Charismatic Conference at Walsingham where they helped run one of the family camp sites. Jimmy, who was a very practical boy, loved coming with them and used to help out too. This summer they were asked to speak about their experiences at the main Mass in the priory grounds. They were also asked to address a special young people’s meeting. They feel they would like to do more of this and go into schools and share their experiences. Margaret comments, “I want young people to know that your whole life can change within minutes. You never know the hour or the minute. Jimmy was a typical teenager. He didn’t go to Mass every week but he was very proud of his Catholic faith and wasn’t ashamed to let others know it. Sometimes I would be in the bench waiting for Mass to start and I would turn and find him sitting there grinning.”

If Jimmy was on one level a very ordinary boy, there was also something special about him too – a sparkle in his eyes and a goodness that everyone he met, including his family, recognised. His father comments, “He was everyone’s favourite.” His mother can’t remember ever being cross with him or telling him off, apart from telling him to keep his room tidy. After he died the family found that others had been impressed with Jimmy too. In the aftermath of the funeral Barry received a condolence note from a local firm where Jimmy had done two weeks work experience, saying that they had been so impressed by Jimmy and the simple respect he had shown to others that they were setting up an apprentice scheme in partnership with Lewisham College to be named after him. “Jimmy,” wrote the manager, “opened our eyes to the potential of bringing young people into the company and training them up.”

Sparkle

“It’s strange,” says Barry, “Jimmy said, if he died he always wanted to be remembered, and because of how he died and what has happened since, he will be.” They have been told that a rose has even been named after him and there have been several songs, including one called “Sparkle” written by his brother Tommy. Margaret adds, “I feel like he is our saint in heaven. We pray for his intercession, especially for all the young people in the world and the dangers they are in.”

Kristina Cooper is the Goodnews Magazine Editor