My mum was a single parent and brought my sister and me up on a council estate in Oxford. I grew up angry with what life had dealt me, knowing there was something missing and not being fully comfortable with myself as a person. I was troublesome for my mum as a teenager as I was often getting into trouble. The police would turn up at the house and she would be upset and not able to cope. she couldn’t control me and was unable to give me the discipline I needed as she was on her own , so I did very much my own thing and hung round with my friends. They were my family. My friends and I used to get up to all sorts of things like shoplifting, stealing cars, taking drugs etc. I didn’t have any fear of consequences and would do anything for a laugh.

I wanted to be happy and wanted the things that I thought would make me happy. I couldn’t wait to leave school as it wasn’t my thing. We lived opposite a car factory and as a child I would see the workers riding to work every morning on their bicycles and coming home again each evening in their droves, I was determined that I wouldn’t end up like that. For me that was the ultimate depressing existence. I used to steal things and get others to steal too and sell them on.

I soon discovered there was a lot of money to be made from drugs too. I knew people who organised raves – big functions with many people. Soon I didn’t need to sell the drugs myself. I would hand them out to others on commision and collect the profits.

My flat like an Aladdin’s cave

Sometimes people couldn’t pay for their drugs, so they would pay in goods – like electrical items and jewellery or anything of value. My place was like an Aladdin’s cave of stolen and pawned goods. As time went on I got deeply involved in the drum and bass music scene and started DJ-ing, producing, and hanging out with people like Goldie and Ronnie Size, who had success through this music . It was a small community in those early days before the music went mainstream. I was living my dream. No 9-5 job, just partying ,enjoying what I considered to be the finer things of life. Radio stations and record companies were getting interested in our work and our prospects seemed to be getting better and better. I was in a long term relationship. She was a very sweet person and loved me, but I didn’t want to settle down or get married, and if she brought up the subject, I would walk out as I wasn’t interested. I wanted to be free. One day, however, while watching a film together, there was a very demonic spiritual scene in it which started to make me feel very uncomfortable. I lived a very secretive life because of my illegal activities but I found myself almost bursting to talk to her about the things that were bugging me. Once I started to talk many things came out and this kick-started a kind of emotional breakdown, where I suddenly started losing control .

What is his agenda?

This drew me to reflect on my life. Where was it leading? Was there something missing? Why, at what I considered to be the peak of my life, was this happening to me? By this time my mum, who had always been a bit unstable when I was growing up, had come into what she called a new relationship with god and was living her Christian faith in a much more committed way. She had a new contentment about her. She suggested that I go and talk to a Franciscan priest who had helped her. I agreed and went all the way up to north Wales to visit him. The place he lived freaked me out, but I was very intrigued by him. He seemed very relaxed peaceful and happy, yet he owned nothing and lived a simple life. I couldn’t work out what his agenda was and what made him tick. Why was he interested to listen and spend this time with me? There was no sudden revelation, but it was part of my journey to God. I had a few different spiritual experiences which I didn’t always quite understand, but I had a sense God was there and leading me . My mum told me about the House of the Open Door Community and a man called Roy Hendy, who was their leader. She told me that he used to be a violent man before he had been converted. I felt I could relate to him, because he sounded like what I classed a normal person.

I went to visit. In the beginning it was all a bit overwhelming. I remember Roy greeting me with a hug and that was a bit strange for me and I didn’t know how to respond. I was invited to the community’s Friday night prayer meeting. I remember the first time I went, Fiona, one of the community, was singing. She looked so radiant, like an angel. I was transfixed. I could see that it wasn‘t a performance, but that she was singing in another realm. Through her I could really feel a peaceful presence.

Change doesn’t happen overnight

There was something very special about the community and when they invited me to come for a while, I decided to take them up on it. I didn’t tell any of my friends what I was going through in the beginning. I just packed my things, turned off my phone and left. My plan was just to go for a couple of months, sort my head out and pick up where I left off. The life was different there, it was peaceful and I felt it was good for me. But real change doesn’t happen overnight. After a couple of months I went home for the Christmas holidays and went to see my girlfriend. I found out that she had been seeing a friend of mine. I was furious and started smashing the house up. Afterwards I was really upset at what I had done and couldn’t believe I was still capable of such a thing. I didn’t know what to do. I rang Roy and told him what had happened. His response was amazing. He called her and defused the situation persuading her not to involve the police and apologized on my behalf. He told me to come back to the community and stay with them over Christmas, even though guests didn’t usually stay then. I was really grateful. It made me realise too, that I had to make a complete break with my old life because everything about it was wrong. I knew God was calling me to a different way of life.

Humbled by the love of the community

Roy suggested that I stay with the community for a year, but one year led into another and another. It was here that I learnt what it is to be part of a family . I could go to Roy at any time and place. He would always stop what he was doing and give me time if I needed to talk to him. I was constantly humbled by the love and support I got from the community while I was there. I was used to a very fragmented life and doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it. Sometimes I found the discipline very hard. It would get to me, and I would just take off. I had a lot of inner anger and little things would trigger me off. I would sometimes explode and be abusive to people. But things would always be made right in the end and all would be forgiven.

After about six years the community felt it was now time for me to move on. I wasn’t convinced that I was ready for this but eventually realised it was the right time. When I left I didn’t quite know what to do. In the end I went to live in Jerusalem. It was an exciting prospect. Here I met Irina my wife to be. It was around 9/11 time and things in the city were very tense. Everyone was apprehensive about what might happen. I remember one evening sitting talking to Irina and sharing my life experiences with her. She was studying Hebrew, and although believing in god didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. As we talked she became more interested in the way I practiced my belief in god. I told her if she wanted, I could pray with her so she could receive the Holy Spirit too. One day we were going for a walk along the Kidron Valley, and she asked me to pray for her, which I did. She started to cry and told me that she had always felt lonely, but at that moment, something changed inside her. She started to read the bible and grow in her faith.

A lot of turmoil before I got married

I was determined to keep our relationship pure, unlike with previous girls, But it wasn’t to be. She became pregnant. I was shocked Things weren’t working out the way I had planned. I didn’t want to get married for the wrong reasons, so we didn’t rush into it, but, after the baby was born, we did get married. I was at the birth and it was the most incredible experience and one of the happiest moments of my life. Although I had a lot of turmoil before I got married, once I had actually made the step I felt a peace I can’t explain.

When Isaac was born we didn’t have anywhere to live, so we moved in with my mum. We felt strongly that Irina should stay at home to look after him even though it would be a struggle on one salary, and mean we couldn’t afford our own place. Irina agreed even though she could have got a good job, being very well educated and the brains in the family.

God provides a job and somewhere to live!

God has been really good to us. After a year a friend let us a house at a reduced rent, which meant we could have our own place. Then the Lord got me a good job too. In the beginning I had a job delivering cars round the country. I was working night and day and when our second son Elijah was born, I felt I should be at home more to help Irina with the children. But I couldn’t see what job I could do as I had very few formal qualifications. I was practical, however, and had done lots of handyman type things at the community. I also had a certain amount of knowledge through courses I had done over the years. I saw a job as a mobile service technician repairing kitchen appliances advertised and decided to go for it even though I didn’t have the qualifications, and it seemed silly to apply. At the interview I was very up front and told the interviewer that I didn’t work weekends because of my family and attended church on Sundays. He seemed to like me and agreed to take me on a three months trial and I have been there ever since. I really enjoy my job on the road travelling and meeting new people.

God even provided us with our own house. I saw this new development going up in the perfect spot for us, near the church and school. It was a really nice area and the houses were expensive, but there was a special scheme whereby certain houses were on offer part rent and part buy. Amazingly through a series of God incidences we managed to get the only three bedroom house on the estate for sale. It was just another sign for me of how God was there taking care of us ,and doing even more than we could imagine.

I suppose the old me would think my life is very boring and domestic as my life centres around my wife and family and helping create a nice home environment for them. I realise god has changed my desires and attitudes. I feel a real sense of achievement about what Irina and I have managed to provide for our children. I don’t know what the future holds, and I am still learning, but I know God will be with us, helping us along the way through the ups and downs. We continue to be close to the House of the Open Door and are committed friends as they are like family to us. At the moment God seems to be saying, “just be with your family, and be a good husband and father. leave the rest to me.”