| A Baby a gift from God or a right?
As Christians we face the same difficulties and problems in our lives as those around us. The question is how do we respond? Do we trust the Church and its teaching or do we follow the wisdom of the world. Valentina Wharton shares how when she was unable to have a baby, she rejected pressure to have IVF fertility treatment and instead found a fertility service run by Catholics which helps women to become pregnant while following the Church’s guidelines.
When my husband Richard, and I decided to start a family, we never thought for one minute that there would be any difficulty. Perhaps we were being naïve, after all, according to recent statistics one in four couples nowadays has some problem conceiving naturally. Initially we weren’t too bothered by it and put it down to various factors – our stressful lifestyles, moving house, wrong timing etc. However, after about a year we started to panic and made an appointment with our GP who thought it best to refer us to the Reproductive Medicine Unit at our local hospital. We waited nine months for an appointment. I was convinced that by then something would happen. But it didn’t. At our first appointment the consultant took down all our details but further tests were needed. So commenced what I can only describe as some of the most stressful periods of my life. Consultant advised IVF For Richard the tests were straightforward enough. However, the investigations that a woman has to undergo to determine her fertility are a lot more invasive and undignified. Month after month I went back for one test after another. Eventually when all the tests showed that there was nothing medically wrong with either of us, our consultant advised us to start IVF treatment. (editor’s note: fertilisation outside the womb which the Church advises against as it separates the sexual act from the procreative one). This was not something I was keen to pursue. Taking into account my age, twenty eight at the time, I told the consultant that we would wait and continue to try naturally. Instead of reassuring us, he told us that as we had not conceived in the last three years it was unlikely that we would conceive naturally, especially as I was approaching thirty. All of this stress was driving a wedge between my husband and me. Instead of making us closer, it was tearing us apart. We were tired and stressed out by the whole process and now thanks to our consultant we lacked hope too. The months passed, and every now and again my husband would raise the IVF issue. My husband was keen to pursue this and I often felt under pressure, as if I were letting him down by not complying. I wanted to do something, to somehow meet him half way but I knew that I couldn’t compromise my values and beliefs for him. As the relationship deteriorated, I realised that soon I would need to make a choice – my marriage or IVF. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. Can this be part of God’s plan? Throughout all this I prayed for guidance and the strength to deal with the situation. I tried not to give into despair and tried to see how this might be part of God’s plan. Then one night, after yet another row with my husband about IVF, I went to my local prayer group that is run by Youth2000. Though I went fairly regularly I kept myself to myself and didn’t know many people well. That night for the first time I mentioned my situation to my friend Marie. She suggested that I speak to Nicci Syed, who worked with a doctor offering NAPROtechnology in fertility treatment. This is natural procreative reproductive technology pioneered at the Pope Paul VI Institute for the Study of Human Reproductivity in Omaha, Nebraska, which apparently has a higher success rate than IVF or other assisted conception programmes, while maintaining the integrity of Church teaching. At our first appointment Nicci ran through in great detail how the treatment works. We were really impressed by how thoroughly she explained everything and how she answered all our questions no matter how trivial they might have been. Contrary to what our consultant had told us, Nicci though there might be a problem with my hormone levels. A few blood tests confirmed this – low levels of progesterone (a hormone needed to maintain pregnancy). According to Nicci this could easily be rectified with a course of injections. Once my hormone levels were back to normal the chances of conceiving would be higher. Suddenly there seemed hope again. The programme not only gave us fresh hope but it brought us closer together again. The process involved the husband keeping a record of his partner’s menstrual cycle. I think it made Richard feel part of the process and it gave us a chance to come together at the end of each day and spend some time discussing our well being. It’s early days yet, we’ve only been on the programme for four months but already our relationship has benefited from it. I believe that it is just a matter of time before we get our baby, but if we don’t at least we’ve still got each other. Something that I doubt we’d still have if we hadn’t found Nicci and the programme. Editor’s note: Valentina did conceive and her baby is due in January 2003.
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