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Fr Chris Thomas from the Emmaus Family of Prayer shares some of the joys and challenges of the life of a priest today
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It was my first trip to Lourdes. I’d been ordained less than twelve months and in order to escape some of the hustle and bustle of the pilgrimage I went for a walk. I eventually found a nice spot in the meadow, within sight of the Grotto to rest and think about the experience I’d had. I must have looked as though I was asleep, with a baseball hat covering my face, stretched out on the grass. I don’t know how long I’d been there when two women settled down near me. From their accents they were from the same part of the world as me. One of them began to talk about her new assistant priest. Slowly but surely she dismantled him to her friend. She criticised the clothes he wore, particularly his socks. Then she went on to the sermons he preached, saying she didn’t believe a word he said. After that she made huge assumptions about his lifestyle. He wasn’t interested in anyone over the age of 18, she said, and if he was it was only because of what they gave him. She concluded by saying that he was probably going to run off with the nursery assistant he was always talking to and he’d be gone by the end of the year. How can I go on if that’s what people think of me? It was only when I heard the woman mentioning to her friend the parish she came from that I realised she had been talking about me. Angry and upset and embarrassed I lay there under my baseball hat until the women eventually left. There were all sorts of things flashing through my head like ‘How can I go on if that’s what people think of me’?
I have seen how easy it can be for a priest to actually lose his identity as a human being in an effort to become whatever a “good, holy Catholic priest” is supposed to be rather than be a man who is someone struggling with his humanity, his sexuality and his identity like everybody else. Suddenly supposed to have all the answers The newly ordained priest leaves college usually full of zeal for the Gospel, only to find that suddenly he’s gone from being the seminarian whom everyone likes and chats to, to being “Father”, who is suddenly supposed to have all the answers. He’s placed in a position of power that he doesn’t necessarily want and is put on a pedestal where people will only talk about religious things to him, and insist on giving him a china cup when he visits, while everyone else drinks out of mugs. Particularly in the current climate many priests live in fear of being falsely accused of sexual misconduct. Many feel as though they are fair game to anyone who wants to have a pot shot. It can appear as though the Church is losing credibility and trust which disheartens and disables Priests. As the public face of the Church it is perhaps understandable that they often end up taking the flack from hurt vulnerable people who feel abandoned and let down by the Church, but it can be difficult to cope with. At the same time, however, we can get an incredible joy from walking the path of life with people. There is an immense satisfaction from having helped someone or watching someone’s faith come to life. We’re there at the high points and low points of people’s journeys celebrating with them. As priests we are invited to enter into the mystery of humanity and the mystery of God in ways that few people are able to. We often listen to the most incredibly brave stories of how people cope and make sense of life and faith in the midst of often the most difficult of circumstances. This helps us going, and inspires us in our own difficulties. I wouldn’t want to be anything else other than a priest despite some of the knocks I’ve picked up Just the other day I sat by the monument in Southport near where I live and held an alcoholic man who cried as he shared with me his shame and despair. What an immense privilege it was. It’s at times like this that I know I wouldn’t want to be anything else other than a priest, despite some of the knocks I’ve picked up along the way. No-one’s journey through life is easy. Whether we are married, ordained, or single we all have to face rough times. We all have to face being misunderstood. We all have to face the pain of being let down and hurt. Everyone needs other people to walk with them when the going gets tough. Priests are no different. We too need people who are willing to walk their journey with us, treating us as human beings, laughing and crying with us, allowing us to share our needs. I have been very lucky over the years with the friends that I have made, who have opened their homes to me, and have been there for me when I have most needed a shoulder to cry on. Not every priest, however, has had that experience. So I urge you to pray for your priests as they pray for you. Be there for them, as they are there for you. Treat them as human beings with respect and love. Give them space to share their needs and above all, when you are tempted, because they have let you down again, don’t criticise and pull them apart but forgive them and look for opportunities to make things better so that as a Church we can together proclaim our Gospel of peace and love. Whatever it may look like, we all need each other.
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I’ve
had similar thoughts over the years, whenever I have received nasty
anonymous letters or phone calls, or been harangued by someone who hasn’t
liked what I’ve said or done sometimes in my private life as much
as in my public life. It’s surprising how upset some people get
when they see a Priest in a Pub having a pint. I think sometimes people
forget that priests are ordinary human beings like they are. We do make
mistakes, sometimes terrible ones but we often live under great pressure.
We are supposed to be all things to all people, “Other Christs”.
The truth is we cannot fulfil all the expectations put on us and we
will always fail and let people down.