|
Married For God Joaquin and Rosa Perez are a young Spanish couple with 4 children. Below we hear the inspiring story of how God repaired their lives damaged from childhood, and has taught them to live their vocation as a married couple in God
|
|
To escape from his emotional pain he began to drink heavily and to take soft drugs. Despite his lifestyle, he continued going to Mass regularly drawn by something bigger than himself. One day things got so bad for him that he considered suicide. “Nothing fulfilled me, nothing made me happy,” he said. Meanwhile life for Rosa wasn’t happy either. Her father, a bi-sexual addict, abandoned the family when she was eight leaving her mother with huge debts to cope with. Her grandparents moved in to help, but brought more conflict and tension and Rosa remembers the house was always full of screaming and anger and her mother was hardly ever there, as she was out working. Rosa was very shy and introverted and to make matters worse was very fat and teased and bullied by her classmates at school. She hardened her heart against life and people. “I decided that I would never marry or have children so I would never do to them what had been done to me,” she said. “I told God that he would have to be my father and every night I would ask him to hug me.”
But her initial euphoria didn’t last and she fell into a deep depression when God seemed to disappear from her life. She became very difficult to live with. “I didn’t want to get up in the morning. I didn’t want to speak. I was like a wall. I felt I had lost God.” Things seemed to go from bad to worse, and then one Holy Thursday, she decided to forget about her own pain and intercede for her brother who was very ill. As she turned from her own needs, she was flooded with light and had a powerful experience of the healing love of Jesus Christ. She remembers, “I knew He was there and that my darkness was over and I began to sing ‘Vive Jesus, el Senor’.” She also discovered she had the gift of tongues, although at this time, she didn’t know what it was. Her peace returned and she would go to the chapel every night to pray, dancing in front of the Blessed 7Sacrament with her arms raised in praise. When she told her novice mistress, however, she was warned that this was dangerous nonsense and to stop it immediately. It was only later when she was transferred to another house and came into contact with people in the charismatic renewal, that she discovered kindred spirits, who understood her spiritual experiences. “I thought nobody would ever love me because I was so ugly” Her spiritual immaturity, she says, however, led her to being disobedient to the nuns, and this eventually caused her leave the order after four years. This caused her a lot of soul searching, as to what God’s plan for her was. He recalls, “I thought nobody would ever love me because I was so ugly and unworthy of being loved by anyone except the Lord. One day, however, when she was praying she felt God giving her a present. “He said to me this is your life. This is what will make you happy. You cannot open it now. You will have to wait for the moment but I have already put your name and your face in the heart of the person or people with whom you are going to share your life.” She remembers, “At first I resisted accepting this present, because I wasn’t sure if it would be what I wanted and then I would not be able to change it.” But eventually she accepted and asked the Lord to speak to her through the Scriptures. When she opened the bible it opened up to Ruth 3 “Be at peace my daughter , the Lord knows of this matter and he will not rest until this be arranged this very night.” “Don’t marry unless it is to me!” Meanwhile Joaquin was tiring of his dissolute life and he asked God to send him a wife, who would be “the one and only, who would be mine for my whole life”. At Mass for some time afterwards, during the consecration, he would see a solitary beautiful rose. It was at a charismatic gathering some time later that he first laid eyes on Rosa, who was welcoming people to the conference. He knew immediately that she was the one, and he found himself saying to her “Don’t marry, unless it’s to me.” Smiling and thinking he was joking, she said, “Fine”. Later, however, they got to know each other and a friendship blossomed. Despite their strong feelings for each other, they didn’t want to begin a relationship unless it was what God wanted and they asked several priests and other young people to pray for them. They received several confirmations of this in prophetic words and began a two year courtship prior to their marriage. “I didn’t think marriage for life was possible” The nearer the marriage came, however, the more doubts Rosa had. “I didn’t think marriage for life was possible. I had to cling to the faith that it was Jesus who was doing this. But I wasn’t sure I could be a good mother or wife, because I had no role models and I had a terrible fear that I would repeat my family history.”
“With her I discovered that it was worth the trouble to keep yourself for the person who would be your partner for your whole life” As the marriage date approached Rosa suddenly began to panic without knowing why. Through prayer God revealed to her that her father had sexually abused her when she had been very small, which was the root of many of her anxieties and psychological problems. From that moment a process of pardon and inner healing began. She remembers, “It was Joaquin’s love that the Lord used to finish healing this big impediment that was stopping my vocation to marriage.” They opted for a very simple wedding and honeymoon and gave a tithe of what they spent to the missions. This caused a scandal with their families and exacerbated the already difficult relationships they had. But they were determined to be free of social and family expectations. Early on they made a decision to continue a simple lifestyle after marriage too so they could be together as much as possible. Joaquin comments, “What’s the point of spending 12 hours a day outside the home and having a lovely home, if you never see each other?” “What’s the point of spending 12 hours a day outside the home and having a lovely home if you never see each other?” To their delight Rosa soon became pregnant. But months into her term she caught a virulent strain of chicken pox and had to be hospitalised. She was in terrible pain but didn’t want to take the necessary pain killers in case the baby would be damaged. As it was, the baby stopped moving and growing and the doctors warned that there was a high possibility that the baby would be severely handicapped and suggested the best solution would be an abortion. This Joaquin and Rosa categorically refused. Rosa realised in her turmoil that she and her husband had made an idol of their child. She commented, “I realised that the important thing was not that we had a healthy baby, as everyone kept saying, but that he was a gift from God, and that God loved him as he was. The important thing was not to have a perfect son but a saintly son and no illness or handicap could be an obstacle to that.” “the important thing was not to have a perfect son but a saintly son” It was still a traumatic time for them both and Joaquin would come in every day and pray over her stomach and they would praise God together for what was happening. After two weeks Rosa was released from hospital and the two went to help lead the music ministry at the national charismatic conference. Here they met Fr Emiliano Tardiff, the Canadian priest, famous for his healing ministry, who was taking part in the priests’ conference that was running at the same time. When he heard of their plight, he offered to celebrate Mass for the healing of the child. During the retreat Rosa felt the child move for the first time in weeks in her womb, and she knew the child was healed. And so it turned out to be. To the amazement of the doctors, scans revealed the child had recovered all the lost weight and was born perfectly well. Rosa and Joaquin called him Jacob meaning “God protects” and had him baptised on the feast of the Holy Innocents in memory of his great escape. Openness to Divine Providence Wanting to be open to life, the couple learnt Natural Family Planning techniques, which they found such a blessing that they went on to become teachers of NFP to other young couples. This openness to Divine Providence extends itself to every area of their life, including their finances. Joaquin comments, “We decided from the beginning that we would always tithe. At times it’s more than our tithe and can be up to 40% of our resources, our time and our energy.” This is not always easy as Joaquin confesses, “Sometimes it seems that we won’t make it until the end of the month, but Our Father in heaven knows all our needs, and often someone will appear who gives us exactly the same amount that we have just given away.” This trust in Divine Providence they try to pass on to their children, helping them to see God’s hand in what happens. Joaquin comments, “God has provided us with the simplest and smallest things, clothes for the children, food, etc. We can give testimony that when we are concerned with the things of God. He will take care of our needs.” Rosa continues, “We learn day by day how to be parents, which is not always easy. The children, however, frequently surprise us with the things they do, which make us remember that they do not belong to us but are God’s and they have only been lent to us to help them on their journey to God.” One of the most important times of the day is family prayer before bed. Rosa says, “We frequently talk about the fact that we are Christians and they understand, although they are still small, that this is something special.” “We have had to learn to love each other in spite of our defects” Married life is not always easy, however, as Joaquin admits. “We
are always annoying each other and we have had to learn to love each
other in spite of our defects and put up with the other one, as they
have to put up with you. Love and forgiveness are not feelings, but
a decision and I always have to remember that I freely have chosen
Rosa and decided to love her as she is, come what may and I must also
freely decide to forgive her, which does not mean that I have to feel
nice but I have to decide to forgive her in Jesus Christ. This is
a continual battle and not always easy but we give thanks to God for
his work in our lives, for the miracle of his providence and for the
many things which has entrusted to us, poor earthen ware vessels that
we are.”
|
As
a child Joaquin rarely saw his father and never experienced any affection
from him. His mother was over-protective and wouldn’t let him
play with other boys, and he grew up something of an outcast among
his peers and desperate for affection. “I was a beggar for love
and affection from any source,” he remembers. He experimented
with homosexuality, as well as with sexual relationships with girls.
“I didn’t know if I was homosexual, bi-sexual or what. I
just felt condemned for the way I was living my sexuality,” he
said.
For
Joaquin it was difficult to keep the courtship pure. He comments,
“I had come from a different type of life, but Rosa helped me
to change and see what was important. She was able to bring the best
out of me and I found in me a person who, because of lack of love,
had been locked up inside for years.” Little by little he found
himself able to share the most intimate parts of himself. “With
Rosa I discovered a totally different type of relationship was possible.
With her I discovered that purity was a reality and that it was worth
the trouble to keep yourself for the person who would be your partner
for your whole life.”
