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The Joy of God's Plan Rachel and Kevin Pugh share how, after an initial period in their marriage of using artificial birth control, they discovered the benefits of Natural Family Planning
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As far as we could see our Church offered us ideals and doctrine that just wasn't practical in our modern society. Why, everyone knew that the rhythm method never worked efficiently, and we just couldn't take that risk. We thought about the coil (I.U.D) but decided on the Pill as the most reliable method. Our dear parish priest tried his best to dissuade us, but we felt we had no option. We had always been practising Catholics and we felt a little guilty about our decision, but we buried that deep beneath rational argument. We thought the Church would change her ideas soon, then we could feel alright. "As far as we could see our Church offered us ideals and doctrine that just wasn't practical in our modern society" Less than a year after our wedding we went on a weekend that changed our lives. Here we discovered just how much God wanted for us in our marriage relationship. On a Marriage Encounter weekend we grew very much closer, to each other, and to God. Very gradually we realised that we hadn't been open to God and what he was trying to say to us. We shared our decision to use the Pill, with a close and loving couple from our church, but we didn't expect (or want) an answer from them. "We discovered just how much God wanted for us in our marriage" One evening they started to tell us about Natural Family Planning. I listened with a considerable amount of well-disguised annoyance, and tried to forget the book they offered to lend us. I felt criticised and uncomfortable. We had made up our minds and rationalised it nicely. Besides the Pill was OK. What was the occasional migraine compared to the protection, regular cycles, and much easier periods? No I, definitely didn't want to be disturbed. I was surprised and felt a little uncomfortable when Kevin started
to read the book (called "The Art of Family Planning" by
the Couple to Couple League) I remained steadfastly opposed to the
idea, until I heard a few disturbing facts that Kevin read out. Finally
persuaded, we read the book together, feeling more and more uncomfortable
as we read that many of the pills, do not prevent ovulation, as we
thought, but by various means prevent the egg being implanted in the
womb, ie they were abortive. We "Our hearts sank when we realised what might have been going on in my body" Still reluctant to get involved with all this, we wondered how sure we could be that it worked better than the old Rhythm method. In fact it can be as effective as the Pill. OK if the method worked, it might be worth it, but what about having
to wait for several days, even a week or two in the beginning when
we couldn't make love? What about our freedom to make love whenever
we wanted? What about the bother of it all? What about my heavy periods
again? What about other non-abortive methods of family planning? We
talked and argued for ages, but only when we prayed did we know what
the answer had to be. God had better things in mind for us than jellies,
caps or condoms. The pills changes the hormones in the body and therefore changes the signs than can be read to identify ovulation. It took months for my cycle to resemble normality again. Having made our decision not to use artificial contraception, we stuck to it - it was frustrating, but we were not alone. Those two months we grew much closer, gentler, more contented with each other. When we could clearly read the signs it was exciting to watch my body telling us the different stages in my cycle. It worked! Even with my irregular cycles of between 31 and 43 days! It was like courting and honeymooning all over again. We realised just how much our love-making had become de-valued by the freedom of the Pill. We had taken each other and love-making for granted. Struggle we did. Remembering to take temperatures in the morning and check my mucus and cervix could become a chore, and I had more than a few reservations about feeling for mucus and my cervix. Kevin encouraged, helped, discussed, supported and took charge of the charts and records. We became frustrated and angry at times when we couldn't make love and desperately wanted to. "We had taken each other and love-making for granted" At times we wanted to try something else instead (but we knew we wouldn't). Being careful, learning the Symptothermal method takes patience, takes commitment to love each other without intercourse for a while. This was one of the periods of greatest growth towards one another. Our attitudes to children also changed significantly. Before we were married we were going to have at least seven years of freedom, and then have two children. After practising NFP we decided we wanted to love a few more than that if we could and to start sooner. Our relationship and our love making blossomed and grew and we found we valued each other more highly and knew how to show that love and tenderness outside the context of intercourse. We found we had greater self control, and became less selfish, and could share how we felt more easily. Natural Family Planning in this way has become a way of life for us which helps reflect the sanctity and beauty of marriage. "We knew how to show that love and tenderness outside the context of intercourse" Over the last twenty four years we have had to cope with Kevin travelling and being away for a week at a time (a source of frustration if the dates don't work out!). But we have also had the awesome joy of co-operating with God in the creation of new life, new souls and enjoyed the making of them!
NFP is positively life giving to marriage if we include God himself in this part of our life. For those that are trying for a family, using NFP gives you a real understanding and awareness of your fertility and can improve your relationship and your chances of conception. Ironically it is "green people" who are interested in alternative therapies and evangelical Christians whom we seem to talk to most. I think this is because they don't have the negative baggage and hang ups that many Catholics who lived through the Humanae Vitae controversy, unfortunately still have. We have been invited at times to give talks to sixth formers at schools, and these have been very successful, as the kids have been fascinated to hear about all this and we have found young people to be very open when it is explained. We came to use NFP not so much from the teaching of the Church but from the experience of an enthusiastic couple and the desire for something better in our marriage and God has fulfilled his promises of life in abundance!
COUPLE TO COUPLE LEAGUE |
When
we were setting the date to be married, the question of birth control
came up for us to answer. We were both quite young, beginning our
careers, we couldn't afford a mortgage on one salary alone, and we
wanted a chance to grow as a couple before we started our family.
We needed a reliable way of avoiding pregnancy. 
Our
four children are spaced over nine years and we know when each one
was conceived and have delighted in each one. For the last 11 years
we have believed that our family is complete and have used NFP to
avoid pregnancy but with an openness to God should He want to change
our minds. Looking back over these years we know that God was waiting
for us from the beginning. That He wanted so much more for our relationship
than the distortion that artificial contraception brings and He has
given us His very self in our sacrament. Sometimes we even experience
love making, as a kind of Eucharist, in the intimate sacrifice and
self-giving and sense of God with us in all this wonder and beauty
and tenderness.
