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Young People, Sexuality and the Church
Fr Anthony Doe, a Catholic priest and psychotherapist, writes illuminatingly about the links between sexuality, spirituality and human development in the teenage years
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"Adolescence is pre-eminently a time of discovery" Adolescence is pre-eminently a time of discovery. Just as the very small child begins to explore the external world around him, the adolescent is confronted with a world opening up inside when feelings and new experiences begin to have a startling impact and can at times threaten to throw life completely off balance. What is happening, of course, is that the teenager is being prepared for future relationships with others when the joys of giving and receiving love will hopefully bear all kinds of fruit and enable personal talents and gifts to grow. How does this take place and what is at the heart of this movement to love and engage with others that, in the end, will give meaning to life? The immediate answer to the first part of the question is the awakening of sexuality that takes place in these years. With the physical changes in the body and the discovery of sexual desire new energies begin to be released and bring with them what can only be described as a powerful explosion of feelings. They change the way the young people see themselves and others and deeply affect their relationships with their families and friends and their attitude to the world around them. We can all remember I'm sure, that strange mixture of longing and curiosity, often tinged with real anxiety, that surrounded the first awakening of strong sexual attraction. The overwhelming desire to be with someone, to be part of their life, but above all to be the object of their love seemed to take possession of us. Being special, being chosen by someone else suddenly becomes one's sole ambition and colours the whole of daily experience. Conversely the pain of rejection, the crushing disappointment of love not returned, the experience of exclusion from a group could cause unbearable hurt. Life could often feel like an emotional roller coaster. Sexuality in its first immediate manifestations reveals to us how much we need others, but as a consequence how vulnerable we can become when we experience this need. This new inner world of feelings opening up can be exciting but also has its fragile side. With the impact of sexuality the teenager is caught on the raw by this sudden exposure to feelings that cannot be prepared for. Coping mechanisms have to be found on the spot and only gradually is an emotional equilibrium reached. At this very vulnerable time it is vital that young people are given time and space to sort out the richness and complexity of what is happening to them so they don't end up in premature sexually active relationships and making commitments that will effect the rest of their lives. " Many pressures on young people" It is important to remember that it is during these years of transition that personal gifts and talents are often recognised for the first time. It can be a difficult time because educational demands and the need to develop professional and creative skills constantly place pressure on the young person too. This can also add to the whole tension of self-discovery. As a priest and therapist, I am very aware of this as many people come to me for help in dealing with their personal brokenness and it is during adolescence that our experience of human weakness, in its many forms, and indeed the question of personal sin, begin to be concerns and these need to be addressed and understood. It is very important at this stage of their life that young people feel safe. If they are given the right support and help to put all these pieces of their personal jigsaw together in a way that strengthens their confidence they will acquire a stable base from which they can enter relationships that can grow and bring them fulfilment. Without it fear and a growing sense of insecurity will force them to find other means to give them a sense of well-being particularly in premature sexual relationships. We now live in a world that has developed a youth culture which is only too ready to offer short- cuts in establishing a sense of identity that is acceptable to other members of the peer group. Entering into a sexual relationship is one of these. I'm okay because someone finds me desirable. Promiscuous sex and drug taking might, in the short term, take away the pain of insecurity, but in the long term, as we all know, they have disastrous effects on future development. Other, less obviously harmful things can also damage human development. We have begun to see in recent years, for example, the dominance of a new computer culture which can often isolate and retard a young person's capacity to grow in relationship with others. Instead of interacting with other human beings, messy as that is, they centre their lives around computer games and the internet and a fantasy world. We, as a Christian community, must ask ourselves how we might respond to this situation and how we can support our young people? "Sexual restraint allows the deeper meaning of human sexuality to be discovered" and in married love this total giving of self is symbolised in the genital experience of sex. The reason that the Church teaches that the genital experience of sex should be restricted to people who have made an act of lifelong commitment in marriage, is that the sexual act carries with it such intense physical and emotional pleasure, that instead of it being an act of self giving it can easily become subordinated to the need for personal gratification. The experience of 'having sex', as we all know, then very quickly becomes an opportunity for taking rather than giving and its essential meaning soon disappears. Sexual restraint and chastity on the part of the teenager allows the deeper meaning of human sexuality to be discovered whereas the instant sexual gratification, so lionised by our society, actually arrests real human development. Something we see the fruits of in our self-centred culture and its many corresponding social problems. "Young people need good examples" For the adolescent, however, the initial experience of sexual desire can be so overwhelming and the prevailing youth culture so seductive that this deeper meaning of sexuality is almost impossible to grasp and accept. For them to understand what it means they have to see it lived out and demonstrated in a convincing way by others more experienced, who understand the life-giving truth of sexuality. This is now one of the crucial responsibilities of the fait community. It is no good simply laying the law down and imposing prohibitions. This will only elicit resistance and incomprehension and will certainly not be enough to encourage young people to resist the temptation to become sexually active at the expense of deeper personal growth. They need to have the example of others who actually live the truth and do so with love. "Sex is part of something greater than just the need for physical pleasure" This requires of all of us a deeper personal relationship
with the Lord Himself. It is Jesus alone who is able to blend together
in our own sexuality those elements of self-sacrifice, patience, generosity
and love that can keep the life-giving truth of sexuality in place.
When He does so our lives and witness will have a .living. power that
will be able to inspire the lives of others, in particular, our young
people. We can then speak of sexual restraint with conviction, not because
we believe that sex is bad but because we know that it is part of something
greater than just the need for physical pleasure. And we can share from
personal experience its benefits. Without this witness the recent grim
statistics of rising teenage abortions and sexually transmitted diseases
will undoubtedly increase. There will be more young people unable to
piece together their own jigsaw of strengths and weaknesses in a way
that gives them confidence and stability. But most important of all
Jesus Himself will be denied the opportunity of befriending them in
their need for support and sharing with them the gifts of the Spirit,
who can only bestow them on those able and willing to receive them.
In the next issue I will examine more closely some of the ways in which
we can be more effective apostles of life.
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As
a psychotherapist as well as a priest I listen to a lot of people talking
about their lives where they describe all kinds of experiences from
their earliest memories right through into adulthood. What strikes me
again and again is the importance of their teenage years when the currents
of life started to flow in all kinds of directions and new horizons
suddenly began to open up. 
So
what is at the heart of the movement to love and engage with others
that will enable not only teenagers but all of us to find meaning in
life? The answer is to be found at the very heart of sexuality itself.
Sexuality is much more than the capacity to have genital sex. It is
that part of us that enables us to love and engage with others. It has,
what I would describe as a two-fold capacity, first to give and receive
life, and second to sustain and reverence the new life that is born
from genuine human encounter. Here I am not just thinking of a child
as the fruit of sexual union but all the manifestations of life that
come from a mutual loving relationship that enhance human existence
i.e. joy, healing, peace, patience, forgiveness, gratitude, hope, generosity
etc. In other words, the gifts of the Holy Spirit, that make life not
only worth living but also worth sharing with others. Sexuality and
spirituality are fundamentally linked
