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Pat Welling, who has been a leader in the Charismatic Renewal for many years, shares how the Lord showed her she must put her marriage, to her non-church-going husband, first and not neglect him in her enthusiasm for the Lord.
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Following
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Giving one's life to Christ and being baptised in the Holy Spirit is only the beginning of a new journey in faith. After I had my Pentecost experience I had a strong desire to serve. I became very involved in my parish and ended up helping to lead a very strong prayer group that had 80-100 people. It was a marvellous time and the fellowship was wonderful. Because I was keen the priest was always asking me to do things and I was only happy to oblige. My husband, Barry, wasn't a believer so he wasn't involved in any of this and stayed at home. I didn't realise it at first but he began to feel rejected by me and he began to complain about my activities. "I want you to give up everything!" But I couldn't see the point of staying in. After I gave him his dinner, he just sat in front of the television and went to sleep and I didn't want to miss out on the wonderful things I was experiencing. This went on for some time, until one day when I was praying, the words came into my heart. "I want you to give up everything you are doing and go back to where I planted you." I didn't quite understand what it meant. Surely it couldn't mean that God wanted me to give up all my good work just to keep my husband company! I kept praying for further enlightenment and asked God to show me what the words meant. They came back again. "I want you to go back to where I planted you because you are going out as half a person. Return to where I planted you until you go out as one." The more I realised the implication of what the Lord was saying to me the more I didn't like it. I decided to check it out with a couple of mature Christian friends and see what they thought. They prayed about it and felt that it was from the Lord and that I should obey the prompting. "Thy will be done" It took me another two weeks to really accept this but eventually I got down on my knees and simply said, "Thy will be done." I didn't immediately drop everything as that would have been irresponsible but I began to put my husband's needs first more and I felt that the Lord would take away my responsibilities naturally, which He did, and knowing it was Him, I didn't struggle the way I might have done, if I hadn't said yes. I decided to start a novena for my husband - it was not just a nine day one but a 54-day one. I prayed that at the end of this my husband would come to Christ. On New Year's Eve, a friend and I spent two hours in front of the Blessed Sacrament also praying for this intention. "I want to do that" The following day Barry and I were visiting our son and his family when Barry,who was watching the television in the other room, suddenly called me in. "Come and look what's on TV," he said. It was in 1993 when the war in Bosnia was on and they were appealing for people who had trucks or who could drive, to come and take aid out to Medjugorje and the surrounding areas. "I want to do that," he said, "Will you make enquiries for me so I can go and help?" What he didn't know was that I knew Bernard Ellis who was one of the organisers of the appeal. I was really excited and when I contacted them, asked that my husband be asked to take aid to Medujorje, which I had been trying to get him to for years. Within three weeks the two of us were in convoy with 20 other vehicles taking aid to Croatia and Bosnia. But surprise surprise, our vehicle was sent to Medugorje! It was a terrible journey and very cold. It took five days to get there and there were a lot of frayed tempers on the way. Not what I had hoped at all! "Our Lady appeared to him" When we arrived I suggested that Barry might like to come with me up the Apparition Hill but he wasn't interested. Instead he drove some of the other drivers, who were leaving their trucks, to the airport. I was really sad, but when I got back, as soon as I saw him, I knew something had happened to him. His eyes looked different. The most amazing thing had happened and he told me that Our Lady had actually appeared to him. I was filled with incredible joy and awe. The two of us just wept together. After that it seemed that one miracle after another happened in his life. We ended up taking out regular consignments of aid twice a month and eventually as Barry is a coach driver, ended up taking groups of pilgrims by coach too twice a month for 14 months. As we moved house to Bury St Edmunds about this time too, I lost contact with a lot of my friends in the parish and with all my involvement in parish life. Working together like we did however, brought my husband and I closer together. Our Lady appeared to him again on one of the pilgrimages and he felt called to become a Catholic and joined the RCIA course. He was received into the Church in 1995. His conversion meant that we really became one in spirit and could journey in faith together. Eventually the coach pilgrimages came to an end and bit by bit I got drawn back to working within the church in our area. This time, however, it was with Barry's blessing and that made all the difference. We went through a bit of a desert time when we left Bury but eventually we ended up at the parish where it all began, St Peter's in Gorston on Sea. Sitting at the Lord's feet I was really looking forward to getting involved again, the way I had been before. The priest who was there now however, found me very difficult and I realised he didn't want me to do anything in the parish at all. It was really hard for me. The temptation was to go somewhere else but I felt the Lord was telling me to stay and be faithful and simply pray. I did this for three years. On the one hand it was a time of great barrenness and suffering but on the other hand it was also very fruitful spiritually. I realised it was God who was calling me to simply come and sit at his feet and to gaze on him in the Blessed Sacrament. When I read the Pope's letter Novo Millennio Ineunte it really resonated with me. I realised that all our work for the Lord must be drawn from our relationship with Him and this can sometimes be lost in all our busyness. I realised the Lord had allowed what was happening for a reason and I had to accept the situation and learn from it, not grumble and get bitter. In suffering you really draw from the depths of your being. More and more I felt that the Lord was stirring me up to encourage others to come and sit before him too. I even managed to persuade our parish priest to invite Fr John Edwards, a priest I know, to come and speak to the parish about the importance of Eucharistic adoration. (This will take place in December this year during a week's mission we are having.) I feel there is a general call to all of us to come back to the Cenacle where it all began, where the apostles and Our Lady gathered together in prayer. That time of waiting before Pentecost was very difficult for them all. It was at a time of deep loss, suffering and disorientation because Jesus had left them once again. The Church in England today I feel is rather like this. We seem to have lost direction and, speaking for myself, we need to go back to that Upper Room and sit with Our Lady and wait for the Spirit to come and empower us again. As Kim Kollins underlines in the Burning Bush initiative which the Pope commended at Pentecost this year it is important for us not just to intercede to God for the little things and for our own lives, but for the larger things - for the Church, for unity, for peace in the world. God is asking us to enlarge our hearts. "What is God is saying through the situation?" We now have a new parish priest, who is very happy for me to get involved, so now I am in a new period of activity. But I learnt so much during my barren time. I realise that nothing is ever a mistake and we must accept every situation that comes our way and ask what is God saying in the situation. I have a tendency to want to rush God, but God won't be rushed. If the Lord is stirring something up within us, He might be asking us to do something. But if we step out and nothing happens, then it is not the time and we have to wait. If it is the right time we can be sure that a door will open. Then we must have the courage to go through and keep going until we come to the next door, where we have to test the handle once again, before seeing if it is the right thing to go forward. I really feel the Lord is calling us to more praise and adoration and that we should open our churches more so that people can come and pray more. Churches are so often locked these days because of vandalism and priests are understandably unwilling to keep them open unattended. But they are often willing to do so if people are prepared to man them. I feel it a personal priority to offer to do this, so others are free to come and pray when they want. Sometimes I can feel there are more pressing things I could be doing, but what can be better than helping facilitate people to pray!
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