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Spirituality of True Self Esteem Jim McManus C.Ss.R., the Rector of the Redemptorist Centre of Spirituality in Perth has been involved in healing ministry for 30 years. Below he shares some of the insights he has gained which form the basis of his latest book "The Inside Job".
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self-esteem is as necessary for a life of happiness as the air we breathe
is necessary for life itself. People from a wide variety of backgrounds,
starting from many different assumptions, would agree with that sentiment.
Bookstores offer shelves of self-help books on how to develop self-esteem,
and courses designed to build self-esteem abound. One striking thing
about these self-help books and courses is that, whatever their differences
of approach and style, virtually all agree that self-esteem must have
a spiritual dimension. Equally striking is the fact that these books
and courses rarely offer any advice on how this is to be done, or even
what 'spiritual' means. This is surely an opportunity for evangelists,
people of faith, to present the biblical foundations for good self-esteem.
"I thank you for the wonder of myself" For many years now the scriptures that I was using as the basis for self-acceptance in inner healing prayer were actually the texts that underlie the spirituality of true self-esteem, though I hadn't averted to this fact. I became interested in the true self-esteem aspect of inner healing when I was trying to understand why people who received an inner healing, through self-acceptance, sometimes reverted to their old wounded habits of thinking and relating. I became aware that although self-acceptance is at the heart of inner healing there can be many different shades of self-acceptance. Some people may very reluctantly and with resignation accept themselves, while others, hearing the good news, enter into a grateful self-acceptance. They begin to pray with confidence psalm 139 in which we find these striking words: "I thank you for the wonder of myself". If the Holy Spirit teaches us to thank God for the wonder of our selves we should have no reluctance in doing so. And yet many people hesitate and even refuse to say this beautiful prayer of thanks to God.
We see ourselves as God's sees us or we see ourselves as our critics
see us. If I see myself through the eye of my biggest critic I will
not have an accurate sense of myself. Growing up for each of us means
that we begin to define ourselves for ourselves, and we begin to live
up to our own definition. We don't allow others to define us nor do
we try to live up to their definitions. The clarity and the courageousness of this acceptance is the foundation of all existence". Some people regrettably refuse to accept themselves. They have decided that they are not 'good enough' - not cleaver enough, not rich enough, not good looking enough - and so, they begin the destructive habit of self-rejection. They make their
"We can only know ourselves in Christ" We can only know ourselves in Christ. And the self we get to know in Christ is the 'true self', the self that is precious in God's sight and the self which we accept and receive gratefully from God. There is no place in the Christian life for self-rejection. Our response in faith to God's creation has to be one of grateful self-acceptance, an acceptance that is summed up in the words "I thank you for the wonder of myself" (Ps 139: 14). True self-esteem is the fruit of a grateful self-acceptance. The phrase "self-esteem" means 'self esteeming self', or 'self estimating the value of self', or 'self evaluating self-worth. Jesuit psychiatrist Fr Jim Gill discovered that many people "evaluate their personal worth, not so much by looking at themselves as by measuring their success". What we have, what we do and what others think of us can become the spurious norms for self-evaluation. Success means having lots, having a big job or being well thought of by everyone. Jesus, however, didn't speak about success. He spoke about fruitfulness. For success we need efficiency; for fruitfulness we need faithfulness, we need fidelity. As we accept God's word that "we are precious in his sight", as we begin to live by that word, we develop true self-acceptance and true self-esteem. A basic principle in self-esteem work is this: Nobody can give you self-esteem; nobody can take it away from you. You either give to yourself or you deprived yourself of it. Self-esteem is an inside job. Since self-esteem flows from self-acceptance, self-esteem cannot be given to us by others. They may encourage us, praise us, comfort us when we are low. But if we do not give the gift of true acceptance to ourselves we will never have the joy of true self-esteem. We speak of 'a spirituality of true self-esteem'. Spirituality is about the quality of our relationships. In this case it is about the quality of my relationship with myself. Do I esteem myself? Some people raise their fears of pride. But, self-esteem is the opposite of sinful pride. Pride operates by comparing self to others and finding some comfort in the thought that you are better than them! Self-esteem simply accepts self as one is and, as a first fruit, accepts others as they are. "Self-Esteem is based on grateful Self-Acceptance." Pride is based on invidious comparisons; self-esteem is based on
grateful self-acceptance. In the courses and retreats that I conduct
on the Spirituality of True Self-Esteem I encourage people to live
by the word of God that says "you are precious in my sight"
(Is. 42: 4) and to respond to that word by saying "I thank you
for the wonder of myself". (Ps 139:14). If a person cannot gratefully
accept self and praise God for the gift of self, he or she is suffering
from an inner wound that needs healing before they can release the
power and joy of true self-esteem.
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is a simple formula for good self esteem. It is this: True self-knowledge,
plus self-acceptance, results in true self-esteem. Where do we get
our self-knowledge from? We can get it from our enemies, or our critics,
or our jealous friends. Or, we can get it from God, from the word
of God in the Scriptures. And what does God tells us about ourselves?
The very first thing he says to us about ourselves is that we are
made in his own image and likeness and that he himself declared that
what he made was very good. True, we are sinners. But beloved sinners,
redeemed sinners, sinners who are "precious in God's sight"
(Is 43: 4), God's work of art.( Eph.2:10). Indeed God reveals to us
how he sees us in these beautiful words: "You have made them
little less than gods, you have crowned them with glory and splendour"
(Ps 8 5) If that is how God sees us, then our own sense of ourselves
should, in some way, reflect this divine description.