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Facing the conflict within
Fr Chris Thomas looks at the source of our exterior conflicts, many of which come from within and our own lack of self awareness
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I was recently watching a television programme where a little girl was charged by the police with battering her younger sister with a metal pole. The result was that the younger sister was in hospital very ill and the elder girl was placed in a young offender’s institution. As the story unfolded it transpired that the girl dealt with her sister in the way that she had seen her parents deal with conflict, through violence and aggression. As I watched the programme I found myself filled with sadness as I realised that the programme was simply reflecting an aspect of our society, that the answer to conflict and disagreement is violence. It may not be that we attack one another with metal pipes or are even physically violent but often conflict resolution comes about through violence of other sorts, bullying, aggression and separation. Of course that means it’s not really resolution but an uneasy truce. I remembered the story of Elsa Josef who was a Jewish woman who learnt after the Second World War that her two daughters had been murdered in the gas chambers at Auschwitz. She had been a concert violinist and her response was to pick up her violin and to play it across war torn Europe telling her story and pleading for reconciliation wherever there was discord. Surely when Jesus says in Matthew’s Gospel ‘So then, if you are bringing your offering to the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, go and be reconciled first, and then come back and present your offering,’ he’s inviting us into a way of living where anger and violence are not the ways in which to resolve conflict. “Lack of forgiveness tearing groups apart” Yet the truth is that I know of Parishes that are torn apart by lack of forgiveness where no-one is prepared to make the first move. I know of prayer groups where people have been badly hurt and have found no way of resolving the hurt and usually drift away from one another. Our Christian traditions have fractured and split for centuries because of difference and the pain over the years has been enormous and even now with all the work that has been done ecumenically over the last forty years there can still be an element of mistrust. We haven’t really learnt the lesson that Jesus wanted to teach us about reconciliation and if we haven’t learnt that lesson then how can we expect the world to learn the lesson? If we can do violence to others how can we expect any more of those who don’t know the message of the Gospel? In order to show the world how to deal with external conflict we have to learn how to deal with the conflict that arises within. The invitation Jesus gives is to be people who are willing to face ourselves and work through the issues that arise within us so that we have no reason to accuse blame or scapegoat others for the very things that we push away within ourselves. “Danger of Denying the shadow side” We can play very successful games with ourselves as we deny our shadow side. Our shadow side is that part of ourselves that we deny or neglect, that which we reject or repress in order to show to others what we see as a more perfect or acceptable image of ourselves. It is our darker side, or perhaps our blind side. We couldn’t possibly be jealous or angry or bitter – could we? To deny it or repress it can lead to catastrophic results, which is beautifully illustrated in the classic story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Somewhere deep within ourselves there needs to be reconciliation so that we can be reconcilers. “Importance of growing in self awareness” Any spiritual growth is only measurable by our willingness to grow as human beings and that only comes about by increased self awareness, by beginning to accept and face the shadow side. The way I see it holiness is not about kissing the altar rails and saying prayers and knowing all the Church rules. It’s about moving towards wholeness spending time with ourselves and allowing God the space to move within us. So that the miracle of transformation that we’re all called to experience happens within. Some of the holiest people I know have little to do with Church life but they know deep within themselves the miracle of transformation, people like those on the 12 step programmes who’ve tasted their own negativity and have allowed it to be touched and changed by their ‘higher power.’ (the Holy Spirit to us).They’re holy people. We certainly don’t have the monopoly on holiness and it has little to do with what many of us think it’s about. It’s when that process happens within us or is happening within us that we’ll have the courage to bring into the light areas of conflict and disagreement with others and find a way to resolution. It’s then that we’ll be ambassadors of reconciliation and show the world that there is another way to live than the way of violence and aggression.
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