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TESTIMONY Growing and Living in the Spirit
John Edwards, a permanent married deacon, describes how he has grown in his understanding and use of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, since he was baptized in the Holy Spirit 15 years ago.
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 I
received my ‘Baptism in the Spirit’ in 1992, reluctantly (and
rather sceptically) attending a ‘Life in the Spirit’ Course.
At the first session I received the gift of a new understanding of the
scriptures. We were prayed over and invited to open our Bibles at any
place we felt called to. I opened at Psalm 73 and when I read verses 21
- 25 especially “I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast
before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.”
and “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire
besides you.” I realised that the experience felt by the psalmist
was a very real experience that I was having at that moment. This
scripture is still very special to me. From that moment on I have been
able to read scripture and see its relevance to me and to others. As the
course progressed I didn’t really experience any further gifts. I
was told I had the gift of Prophecy but I didn’t even understand
what that was so it left me somewhat bemused. Tongues didn’t come
either. Certainly a desire to praise the Lord vocally, however, and even
clapping hands and moving began to grow in me.
The most practical effect was that I seemed to be released into serving the Church. Had I received my ‘Baptism’ in the 70’s I doubt that I would have been able to assist much, as immediately after Vatican II there were limited opportunities for the laity to participate. (Perhaps this accounts for the meteoric growth of CCR in the 70’s). I began to attend the Alton Day of Renewal and was encouraged to persist with acquiring the gift of tongues. This gift did come, although initially I found it difficult and I was unsure about the ‘babble’ but it grew more and more part of my prayer time and I was to find later in life, especially during times of pain and desolation, it would become a great comfort. In 94 we had our first taste of the Celebrate Conference. This affected the whole family including my, then Unitarian, wife Ann. It was a very new and refreshing experience of the Body of Christ. (It was also the foundation for the eventual conversion of Ann to the Catholic Church) I have been able to attend Celebrate every year since and I am always challenged and always fed, often in surprising ways. It was one place where I was able to grow in my experience in praying for others, even witnessing a miraculous healing. I also received confirmation from the Lord, through a word of knowledge during preparation for prayer ministry, that I should pursue a calling to the Permanent Diaconate. My next leap in growth came by attending the Cor et Lumen Christi ‘YES’ meetings, when they moved to Chertsey in Surrey. I remember attending a ‘Prophecy Workshop’ weekend with Graham Cooke, hosted by the community. We were led through a process where we were encouraged to pray for a blessing for another person on the course whom we did not know. This was done in silence and focusing on the Lord. We were then asked to seek guidance from the Lord as to the area of their life to which the blessing applied. We were told to change the prayer into the first person, as a blessing from the Lord. I was amazed that the partner I was working with was given specific knowledge about me that she could not have known other than supernaturally. Then I was even more amazed at the effect my seemingly inadequate prayer had on her, again the Holy Spirit had moved significantly. At that time I did not know the community that well and I was astonished that I was one of the few which Damian Stayne had a personal prophetic word for. This came at a time when I was wrestling with taking a medical retirement having been diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia late in 94. The Holy Spirit certainly knew how to gain my attention though I came to realise that this was His third attempt. Later I attended an early Charism School and again was able to use the experience of the community to grow in my use of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The gifts of Healing and words of knowledge received specific attention. However I have come to realise that I need to make use of the gift already bestowed upon me. I know that “the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29), but I also know that if I don’t make use of them it becomes more difficult for me to do so. I also recognise that my personal prayer life and relationship with the Lord needs my constant attention. I need to be attentive to the Lord and trust in him always. Latterly I have been ordained as a Permanent Deacon and I believe through my ongoing relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit I both experienced and received a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit during my ordination. Yet I still recognise the need that I have to constantly renew and explore my relation with the Holy Spirit and continue to make use of His gifts.
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