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The power of the tongue
Paul Grutsch reflects on the power of criticism and gossip in causing disunity and challenges us to keep quiet if we don’t have anything positive to say.
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Holy Scripture is filled with admonitions on the perils of the tongue. In James we read, “Nobody must imagine that he is religious while he still goes on deceiving himself and not keeping control over his tongue. (James 1:26) Later in James we read, “Among all the parts of the human body, the tongue is a whole wicked world in itself; it infects the whole body; catching fire itself from hell, it sets fire to the whole wheel of creation. Wild animals and birds, reptiles and fish can all be tamed by man, and often are; but nobody can tame the tongue – it is a pest that will not keep still, full of deadly poison. We use it to bless the Lord and Father, but we also use it to curse men who are made in God’s image; the blessing and the curse come out of the same mouth. My brothers, this must be wrong – does any water supply give a flow of fresh water and salt water out of the same pipe?” (James 3:6-11) One source of the tongue’s deadly poison is from the sin of rash judgement. Rash judgement occurs when we form a negative opinion of another without a just or sufficient reason. It has been said that Christianity it the only religion that shoots its wounded, usually by some sin of the tongue. Rash judgement can be a vicious sin. It can lead to additional sins of slander, detraction or contumely. The most common form of slander is to knowingly spread stories that are partly true and partly false. It can also involve the deliberate omission of details so that a person’s character is darkened. In contrast to slander, detraction is the revelation of truths about another that is not public knowledge and which if revealed would injure their good name. Even if there is no malicious intent, detraction can be grievously wrong if it destroys a person’s reputation.
Sometimes things must be revealed for the common good. However just because something is true about a person doesn’t mean that we are permitted to spread it around if it would result in injury to a person’s good name. Contumely or derision, is the ridiculing or mocking of another through the use of insults and gestures. The sin of contumely fosters contempt in others and is contrary to love. Contumely can be most pernicious when it involves someone whom we dislike or with whom we disagree. They become the brunt of jokes. We say it’s innocent, that we really don’t mean anything by it. But Holy Scripture says that the mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart. We certainly couldn’t say that we were speaking with a heart filled with love! From rash judgement, detraction, slander and contumely come the gossips, the backbiters and the stone throwers! Jesus tells us on the day of judgement we will be held accountable for every useless word we have spoken. Our words will be used to judge us – to declare either innocent or guilty (Mt. 12.36-37). Virtually impossible to make restitution if we have injured someone’s good name As a matter of justice we are required to make restitution if we have injured a person’s good name. We do this by correcting any falsehood spoken with the truth to those whom the falsehood was spoken, by completing any omissions of fact or detail which would have made a person be seen in a negative light and/or by speaking well of those whom we have detracted. The analogy has been given of taking a pillow to the top of a tall tower on a windy day and shaking out all the feathers. The prospect of totally repairing an injured good name is as likely as retrieving every feather from the pillow scattered by the wind from the top of the tower – virtually impossible. Over the years I have given the challenge to see if one could go just 24 hours, one day, without talking about someone negatively. This would include your politicians, your boss, your neighbour, clergy, anyone. Most failed within the first hour unless they were deeply absorbed in some concentrated endeavour. Some found they didn’t have much to talk about if they couldn’t tell about the foibles of others! Never repeat gossip In proverbs 6:16,19 we read that “He who sows discord among brothers is an abomination to the Lord.” In Sirach (19:5-16) we read “He who repeats an evil report has no sense. Never repeat gossip… Let anything you hear die within you.. often it may be slander. Every story you must not believe. Then too a man can slip and not mean it…” “A talebearer separates closest friends,” says Proverbs 17:27-28. Sirach 28:12 writes, “Cursed be gossips, and the double tongued for they destroy the peace of many”. In 2 Tim. 2:16-17 we read “Avoid worldly, idle talk, for those who indulge in it become more and more godless, and the influence of their talk will spread like the plague.” This last scripture is particularly pointed in that it states that the godless do not control their tongue, and the less they control it, the more godless they become! Unnecessary criticism is another problem of the tongue. Far too often the faults and sins of others are what is noted rather than the good that they do! At times a criticism may be necessary, but criticism should never be given unless it is accompanied by a suggestion as to how to improve things. Speak positively about people What can be done to control the tongue? A very powerful weapon is to ask God to bless the person you feel like speaking against. Since the mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart, asking a blessing should help fill the heart with the love of God rather than the poison of hell. It also helps to diffuse anger and resentment, which is a root cause in negative speech. Mother Teresa said that words that do not bring light only tend to increase the darkness. Speaking about someone behind their back cannot profit them. We must be humble and remember that we are sinners, and imperfect. We need to affirm the good in all - in thought, word and deed. We must be positively charitable at all times and give others the benefit of the doubt. Just as God hates the sin but loves the sinner, we must develop the same attitude. St Bernard wrote, “If you can’t excuse the deed, excuse the intention. Attribute the fault to ignorance, surprise, or frailty. If the act is so bad that it cannot be justified in any way, attribute it to violent temptation and say to yourself: “If I had been so tempted in the same way, at the same time; if the tempter’s voice whispered to me in the same way, what would I be now?” The answer of course, is that “but for the grace of God there go I.” A priest friend one time told the story that St Teresa mentioned that there happened to be a religious sister in the community whom she didn’t like very much. Rather than speak about her negatively behind her back and cause division, St Teresa made sure that she was particularly gracious to this nun and always waited on her first. In 2 Tim 2:24 we read that the “Servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome but kindly towards all.” Keeping quiet Another simple principle is that of silence and patience. If we can’t say anything good, we shouldn’t say anything at all. If we are present when someone else begins negative speech, we can try to bring up the good about the person or change the subject. Who are we to think that we can assess the motives and intents of another? God alone can judge the heart. He is a far better judge of the person than we can ever be. Jesus tells us that if we have a problem with our brother or sister, we should go to them privately and work it out. (What Jesus doesn’t say to do is tell everyone else first about the problem before we consider going to the one with whom we are having the difficulty). Then, if we can’t be reconciled, ask someone else to help. Don’t get involved if you are not part of the problem or the solution Sometimes guidance is sought on how best to reconcile with one another. Several general rules apply. First, if I’m not part of the problem or part of the solution then I shouldn’t be involved in such a discussion. Remember the story in the scripture where the man approaches Jesus and says, “Lord tell my brother to give me my share of the inheritance.” Jesus responded by saying, “Who appointed me as your arbiter?” He wouldn’t get involved because He wasn’t part of the problem or solution. A second general rule is that we never say something about someone in their absence that we wouldn’t say if they were present. There are many useless words of grumbling and complaining about our politicians. Rather than just froth at the mouth about someone in a negative manner with whom in all likelihood we will never get to speak, wouldn’t it be better to storm heaven with prayer for them? We will be judged for idle words (Mt 12:37) Speak to build up not tear down. Our goal in speaking is to build up, not tear down, the Body of Christ. We do this through words of encouragement in times of difficulty. We accomplish this by coming together in prayer and praise. When we need to correct it should be gently, not harshly with words guided by the Holy Spirit to bring life to the soul, in a manner that we would like to be spoken to if we needed correction in the same situation. We need to speak only the good things that need to be heard, things that will really help one another. Let us give glory to God by speaking of the good in others accomplished by God. When we begin speaking, may we always speak from the love of God in our heart, rather than from pride, judgement or contempt. Let us never forget that since we too are imperfect and sinners, there are things about us that others could talk about in a negative way too. O Holy Spirit, give us wisdom and sanctify our tongues and fill our hearts with the love of God. AMEN. Reprinted from News of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal in Atlanta.
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