Jesus, Lord of All - A Testimony
Tom Hall, a student, shares how as his faith has
grown so have his ideas about sex before marriage
Yesterday I was at a Youth2000 retreat in Cambridge
in a life that doesn't feel like my own, at least it's not the life
I would have imagined for myself at all. I would probably be doing
the same as the majority of university students all over the country;
trying to find happiness in places where it doesn't exist. At the
very least I would still be spending ridiculous amounts money on alcohol,
drugs and cigarettes to fill a void, which later I discovered could
only be filled with one thing.
I was brought up a cradle catholic so God was not
a new concept for me, in fact I was quite religious as a child and
remember getting very involved during my first holy communion. It
wasn't until the hormones kicked in that I started to have problems
and God was definitely side lined for girls. In fact the line my sister
used to get me to go to my first charismatic event was that there
would be plenty of young ladies there! And although her promise was
true I found something much more important at that summer camp than
girls, I discovered that God was real. After that I never doubted
God's existence despite taking philosophy A level, in fact my faith
grew and I developed a strong dislike for atheists. But my faith was
very rational (even though I prayed in tongues) and I never really
believed that God could actually change lives and thought the people
who trusted God completely were irrational. My main problem with being
a Christian was the 'no sex before marriage teachings'; as far as
I was concerned at 16, there was no way it was possible to wait until
I was married and it didn't occur to me that God could help. A couple
of years later after a few painful one-night stands, I decided that
sex should probably be saved for a loving relationship. Funnily enough,
it was about this time that I really started longing deep down to
meet someone who didn't to want have sex before they were married.
But this desire didn't materialise as a life decision, and I got into
a relationship with someone 6 yearsolder. At the time I was working
hard to go travelling around the world and I remember praying for
a new job, this was the answer I got:
" Anyone who loves me will keep my words and my
Father will love him, and shall come to him, and make a home in him.
Anyone who does not love me will not keep my words" John 14 v23-24
This really shook me and I was angry with God for saying
I didn't love him, but I didn't change my life and things got worse.
Things came to a head just months ago, although it
feels like so much longer, on Tuesday the 18th of April in Joel's
bar at Celebrate 2001. I was in nothing short of emotional agony as
I had realised that what the world said about sex and love was a lie;
why if living like that was supposed to be so good was I in so much
pain? But I still didn't know how to stop, but then my beautiful Saviour
asked me to do just one thing, to go to confession. It was with a
heavy heart that I walked towards that priest and I said to him 'Father
I hate going to confession' and he replied ' You know what: I hate
hearing them'! I told him everything.
From the moment I walked away from that confession
I knew things had changed, for a start I was no longer scared anymore;
I knew that if I trusted in Jesus anything was possible. I gave my
life to him then and there. Over the next few days the Lord blessed
me emphatically as if in a rush to make up for the time it had taken
for me to come to him. I discovered what it was he wanted me to do
with my life, a calling that I both found distressing, yet strangely
right; he had asked me to go into politics, something I'm now studying
at university. Then something very unexpected happened, I met someone,
a philosophy student from Cambridge called Cassie. We talked for about
4 hours and despite the fact that I was about to go travelling for
5 months, I knew I would never look at another woman again and decided
to be celibate for the time I was away and hopefully get to know her
as well. Although our sins are forgiven when we repent, we still have
to deal with consequences and even though I was leaving in a matter
of days I still had to explain all that had happened and break up
with my girlfriend. It was at this point that I truly realised the
power that the Holy Spirit can have in a person's life, and although
it was a horrible and difficult conversation to have the Holy Spirit
helped me to be as loving and gentle as is possible even though I
knew that whatever I said I was hurting her.
I have been blessed in my
decision to save sex for marriage, and it is truly rewarding to have
a non-physical relationship with Cassie; where before I might have
deflected problems with physical intimacy, I'm now forced to talk
During my travels the Lord continued to refine
me by instilling in me the grace to change the areas of my life which
were not pleasing to him. I soon had stopped smoking marijuana and
was trying to develop a regular prayer life. Perhaps the most precious
thing I received was the courage to talk to people about my faith,
and I was pleasantly surprised to see that people didn't regard me
as a freak or old fashioned, but rather as refreshing and radical.
Although I continued to grow on my travels it was not all easy and
at times I really needed company, but the Lord was teaching me to
rely on him and he had given me all the friendship I needed in Cassie
whom I was in regular contact with over the e-mail. I often wondered
whether I was really doing God's work and if any of the people I talked
to would become Christians. Towards the end of my trip I had a dream,
where I saw all the faces of all the people I had talked to about
Jesus and I realised that if just one of those had listened it would
have been worth it for God, such is his love.
Since I returned my Christian journey has continued
and it would be a lie to say that at times it is not difficult. Going
to University in Exeter was hard as I found myself confronted with
people who were not as willing to talk about God as those who I'd
met travelling. Also I've found that as a charismatic Catholic I didn't
really fit in at either my chaplaincy or Christian union. However
the Lord never leaves me even when I don't speak to him, and he continued
to help me with things so that shortly after going to university I
stopped smoking, swearing and perhaps most importantly in terms of
witness, getting drunk. Equally I have been blessed in my decision
to save sex for marriage, and it is truly rewarding to have a non-physical
relationship with Cassie: where before I might have deflected problems
with physicals intimacy, I'm now forced to talk, as a good friend
recently said to me by do this were 'building our house upon a rock'.
My mum recently told me that I was born to a prayer
and my life was offered to Jesus and I realised that the void I felt
in my life before was because I had been without the only person who
could fill it, the person to whom my life was entrusted. The irony
is of course that this is my life after all, the way it should be,
I've come home and for that I'm eternally grateful.
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